I think the greatest lesson which I took away from the trip was really the grace of God. Just by the simple act of Hannah washing our feet, I was given a glimpse of what it is like to have Jesus wash our feet. I never felt so unworthy, so low, so unimportant. Yet God Himself was ever so willing to bend down and wash my dirty, disgusting feet. It was a great blow to me. Many times I've read the passage, but it never really spoke to me. It was then it occurred to me how God broke me down deep inside so badly on both Wednesday and Thursday so that I can understand more fully about His grace. But I know this is not going to stop here. I await much more grace and love pouring over me. I want to share it as well. God also made a way for me to share it as well. (e.g. the taxi driver. God is awesome :) )

Oh, just today I was shopping at Bugis Street for my cousin's present. It was then I realised that I had lost my phone. Frantically I searched around, but knowing how Bugis Street is like, I kinda gave up hope already. In my mind I was praying really hard that some nice assistant is to pick it up and return it to me. I suppressed my fears as I called my mum via the public phone. Each ring seemed like an eternity as I fought back my tears. "Just great, no one can help me now," I thought. I was ready to burst into tears already, so ready....when my mum finally picked up the phone and told me she knew that I had lost my phone. She told me to call the girl who left her number with my mum. And God is really awesome. She was really a kind shop assistant who was so nice to return my phone to me! YAYYYYY! I was so worried about losing my EZ link card as well. Well, all I can say is GOD IS GOOD! Let's hear a big AMEN to that!

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And yep partner, I totally understand what you meant by not being close to either your old friends or your new ones. I was packing my room the other day when I came across many old letters and cards. Reading them made me want to cry. Some I regretted not putting in more effort to sustain the relationship, others simply touched me. I filed those letters in nice clear folders, I want to remember them forever, no matter how much I would have changed in the future.

I realised that most of my letters came from Delta 09'. Yep tofus, I kept your letters and even have evidence of how Kelly's fat handwriting changed into the thin slender handwriting she has right now. Dug up those old photos just to squeal in laughter at all our morbid haircut. I miss you guys so much. Oh, I even saw the cadets' letters. It just made my heart wrenched to look back and hoped that I had been a better NCO then. But alas, those beautiful Crescent days are over. How I wish I could have gone back. These days I had a lot of fun with my classmates and cell members too but the feeling just seems different. It's different when you meet up with tofus, because you feel like you're home again.

I don't know what the future holds. I'm just afraid. Afraid of being left alone again. Afraid of feeling lost. Afraid of being abandoned. Afraid of being made a substitute again.

I guess my list of afraid is never-ending.