light it up
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
I don't know what to say about myself.
Lately I keep worrying about getting retained. Just last night I couldn't sleep till 4am because I kept thinking of all the consequences of getting retained. Tossing and turning about in bed, the images of me crying in school after promo results are released keeps replaying in my mind. All the sudden, I felt the sourish-bitter feeling I had when common test results are released. I'm really scared and because of that, I can't seem to focus when I'm studying. I panic whenever I meet an unfamilar concept. It's like a vicious cycle. I think I've been putting in quite some effort for econs, bio and chem; but I seem to have neglect Math a lot. I'm really afraid of that subject. Somehow, everytime I see a Math paper, I sense fear in my heart. But now, I'm starting to sense fear in the other subjects as well.
All the sudden, the road in front of me seem so blurry and hazy. I can't seem to find a source of light to give me hope in this pathway of uncertainty. I can't afford to be retained; I can't bear to see the disappointment in my parents face; I can't accept the humiliation to be retained.
Till I see the results, I don't think my heart can finally be at peace.
Yet, I fear the coming of that day.
Lately I keep worrying about getting retained. Just last night I couldn't sleep till 4am because I kept thinking of all the consequences of getting retained. Tossing and turning about in bed, the images of me crying in school after promo results are released keeps replaying in my mind. All the sudden, I felt the sourish-bitter feeling I had when common test results are released. I'm really scared and because of that, I can't seem to focus when I'm studying. I panic whenever I meet an unfamilar concept. It's like a vicious cycle. I think I've been putting in quite some effort for econs, bio and chem; but I seem to have neglect Math a lot. I'm really afraid of that subject. Somehow, everytime I see a Math paper, I sense fear in my heart. But now, I'm starting to sense fear in the other subjects as well.
All the sudden, the road in front of me seem so blurry and hazy. I can't seem to find a source of light to give me hope in this pathway of uncertainty. I can't afford to be retained; I can't bear to see the disappointment in my parents face; I can't accept the humiliation to be retained.
Till I see the results, I don't think my heart can finally be at peace.
Yet, I fear the coming of that day.
9:22 PM
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Lately I keep seeing my ex-classmates from primary school. Somehow, I think I recognise that person and that person recognises me as well. We would like stare at each other for quite some time before I turn away; because I'm afraid that the person might think I'm some psycho or wierdo staring at him or her. In my mind, I told myself that I must have recognised the wrong person, because afterall, one can change a lot in just a few years time.
Somehow the memories of primary school still seems very vivid to me. I look at that person and I'm reminded of the actions done or words spoken by the person in the past. I seem to remember a lot about the person: the appearance, the actions, the speech, the trouble gotten into- It was as if I was transported back into the past again.
Last time we used to study, talk and play together. Last time we were friends. But now, we have become total strangers whom we don't even bother or dare to talk to now. I wonder if this would happen to everyone and who knows, it might even happen to the friends I have now.
Treasure your friends and these precious moments now peeps, things are bound to change. When it happens, it'll be a whole new ball game.
Somehow the memories of primary school still seems very vivid to me. I look at that person and I'm reminded of the actions done or words spoken by the person in the past. I seem to remember a lot about the person: the appearance, the actions, the speech, the trouble gotten into- It was as if I was transported back into the past again.
Last time we used to study, talk and play together. Last time we were friends. But now, we have become total strangers whom we don't even bother or dare to talk to now. I wonder if this would happen to everyone and who knows, it might even happen to the friends I have now.
Treasure your friends and these precious moments now peeps, things are bound to change. When it happens, it'll be a whole new ball game.
1:53 AM